you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
