you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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