Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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