I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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