So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Randomize
