my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
