I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
