i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Send help, water and tortillas.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
