i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
