He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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