I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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