i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
