So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
