I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
