it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
