So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
