just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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