I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
