when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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