he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Randomize
