after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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