Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
