I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
