I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
i think my cat just said my name.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
