Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
