I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm going to jail i love you
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
