I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
