I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Randomize
