please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I will pee on everything he values.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
