All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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