You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
