I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
