If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
