Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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