I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize