maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize