i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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