I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
