dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
