So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
