went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
