When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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