We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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