I think i sorta joined a cult last night
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Randomize
