yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
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