what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
