I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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