The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize