you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
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