im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
