best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
