If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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