Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
