wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
