Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
