I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize