all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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