I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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