I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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