I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
