We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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