I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
