? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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