I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
